Author Archives: Starting Point

In continuance of the program series entitled “Loss of a Loved One“, Pat Obst, LCSW, MSW and Loretta Depka, Executive Director resumed their discussions on the complex process of grieving highly personal losses. The topic discussed is the 2nd part of her two-part series entitled “Loss of a Child – Part 2. ”

Here, Pat continues to share her own powerful experience of loss; namely, the loss of her son.

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

Pat is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief, Pat Obst has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/

In continuance of the program series entitled “Loss of a Loved One“, Pat Obst, LCSW, MSW and Loretta Depka, Executive Director resumed their discussions on the complex process of grieving highly personal losses. The topic discussed is the 1st part of a two-part series entitled “Loss of a Child. ” Pat shares her own powerful experience of loss; namely, the loss of her son.

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

Pat is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief, Pat Obst has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/

In a continuance of the program series entitled “Loss of a Loved One“, Pat Obst, LCSW, MSW and Loretta Depka, Executive Director continued their discussions on the complex process of grieving highly personal losses. The topic discussed is the“Loss of a ~ Spouse, Partner or Significant Other“. 

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

Pat is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief, Pat Obst has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/

By Vince DiPasquale
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“You can’t give to others what you don’t have.”
“Service is God’s gift to us so we can learn how to give and receive.”
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May is one of the most beautiful and special months of the year. It is the month of new birth, flowers, a time when everything comes alive. For me, it is the month of my birth, 82 years ago. This month has always reminded me of how grateful I am for the gift of life and for all the wonderful special people God has sent me on my journey as my teachers. May reminds me to reflect on the gift of spirituality that God gave all of us at our births. God and the angels sent us on a spiritual journey into this world. The spirituality means that our purpose is to discover the spirit that makes us who we are. In our 12 Step program we are told in the 12th Step that after having had a spiritual awakening, we are to carry the message to others. We are told that if we do our work and give in the spirit of sharing with others, we will receive things beyond our wildest dreams.

Let’s take the time this month to reflect on the terms of spiritual awakening and service. Thomas Merton, a great spiritual author said, “No man is an island.” We can’t grow or discover our greatness alone. The steps remind us that recovery is a “WE” program. I would like to share with you some of the great teachers I have experienced on my spiritual journey. Two of my most special teachers were my parents and my family. I, like you, was born into a dysfunctional human family. Yet today I realize that to be human and dysfunctional is to be teachable. My Dad was truly a man of service to others. He was a giver who didn’t know how to receive. The lessons I learned from him was to set boundaries, make time for me, and to value who I am. Both my parents went through their struggles and unknowingly, they gave me tools to deal with my struggles. My crazy and wonderful Italian family gave me a PhD. in fear and guilt yet they taught me how to laugh at life.

Another great teacher was the Catholic Church. It gave me a great place to hide from life until I was ready to face it. In my twelve years in the seminary and twenty years in the priesthood, I experienced years filled with turmoil and confusion. Most of those years taught me how unmanageable my life was. I refer to them as the crazy yet beautiful years. However, there were so many teachable moments. I was on a journey to save the world, but I usually forgot to work on me. Morgan brought me to experience my first 12 Step Al-Anon meeting in 1969. Jack, my mentor in rehab in Philadelphia taught me the gift of humility. Then there were all the wonderful teachers in AA who shared their stories with me. I experienced many relationships at LaSalle University in my master’s program, especially Gerry, a Jesuit from Belgium, who taught me not to take life too seriously and to go with the flow. He was a special piece of my spiritual journey with his advice, “Never take the simple things for of life for granted, life is full of many adjustments. Things are always in process. Nothing stays the same so be open to change.” These were his spiritual words of wisdom. He was truly a man for all seasons.

In 1977 the Higher Power sent me to a simple house in South Philadelphia where with six other special people my journey with Starting Point began. In these simple conditions with our soup kitchen in the basement I was able to live there for three years. I experienced so many wonderful people who came into my life to help me begin the journey of Starting Point. I thought I was helping them, but, they were helping me.

In the early 80’s the Higher Power sent more teachers. My wife, Carol, came on the scene to teach me the value of getting healthy. A special holistic health doctor and her influence allowed me to face physical, emotional, and spiritual dysfunction. At that time, I didn’t know how important being healthy was. This journey led me to a whole new journey of responsibility and growth. The Higher Power sent me three beautiful stepdaughters and seven grandchildren who are special teachers in my life. This was my new Starting Point and the continuation of my spiritual journey. I learned that I was given a spiritual path that all of us can follow.

With all my background in theology, the greatest gift God gave me was the gift of the 12 Steps. I truly believe that the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous were divinely inspired when these steps were put together. To me they developed the greatest spiritual program on the earth. They teach us that if we do our work, learn to accept who we are, discover our gifts, and then by the way we live our lives we will be an example to others. The greatest service we can give to others is the gift of self.

The month of May reminds me, and hopefully reminds all of us, to look at the life through the eyes of gratitude, love, and service to others. Enjoy these days of new birth.

In the next educational program for 2022, author Keith Mason and Executive Director Loretta Depka discussed Keith’s complicated family-centered story in his new book “Please Stand Up.“

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

“Loss of a Loved One” …

Life changes forever and you change forever. Your grief journey is shaped by the special relationship that you shared. In your Afterwards Journey, embracing your grief allows you to sit with it, listen to what it’s telling you, wrestle with the hard parts, learn about yourself, let go of what keeps you stuck, and move forward.

Join Loretta Depka with our special guest, Pat Obst, LCSW, to talk about the loss of loved ones. Held at 6:30 pm on four (4) consecutive dates in June:

• Thursday June 2 – Loss of a Parent, Grandparent or Sibling
  • https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81587574830?pwd=UEdnQ0pkcjBaeFlXOXhCcEhVazRPdz09 
  • Meeting ID: 815 8757 4830
  • Passcode: 918730

• Tuesday June 7 – Loss of a Spouse, Partner or Significant Other
  • https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84610759168?pwd=OFBldWd2S1JUSHR1KzlmWjlOZmR2UT09
  • Meeting ID: 846 1075 9168
  • Passcode: 775635

• Thursday June 16 – Loss of a Child Part I
  • https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84065316655?pwd=NEVnT0RtbG5GMkhUWWpsRUtNRUp1dz09
  • Meeting ID: 840 6531 6655
  • Passcode: 237319

• Thursday June 23 – Loss of a Child Part II
  • https://us02web.zoom.us/j/88463471936?pwd=b1BtZFdEaVlocFc5NVJKUGdXRGpxdz09
  • Meeting ID: 884 6347 1936
  • Passcode: 972367

Pat Obst is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief. Pat has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information about Pat can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/

By Vince DiPasquale

“Heaven is eternal – the earth endures. Why do heaven and earth last forever? They do not live for themselves only. This is the secret of their durability.”

“For this reason the sage puts himself last and so ends up ahead. He stays a witness to life, so endures.”

“Serve the needs of others, and all your own needs will be fulfilled. Through selfless action, fulfillment is attained.”

This month we start on the 7th Verse of the Tao; the spirit of balance and service, the secret of life.

Each day we are taught by the Source (God) to remain humble at all times. Humility is the great teacher. Life is in contestant change. We are a people in progress for we are never done even when we leave our earthly bodies. We will continue on our spiritual journey. Our spirit never dies, it continues its journey of learning and growing. We are on a spiritual journey that started when the Source of life sent us on our journey. We are being taught, “The last shall be first and first shall be last.” If we live in the ego, we become stagnant and stuck. If we are in the spirit, we are open to grow and learn from others. That’s why the secret of life is service to others. In serving we discover who we are from those we service. We cannot live in isolation. We are part of a big world and to isolate and hide is to choose to die while still alive. Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Each day I have the privilege to meet so many people who are on their journeys. Their struggles remind me to never forget my own struggles. In servicing others, I am reminded that I’m still in the process of learning. I thank God every day for all I’ve been given. We are told that the sage puts himself last so he can be open to what’s ahead. Always give to others and you will receive a hundredfold in return. Success is not in riches or possessions. It is to share your talents with others. To serve the needs of others will allow all your needs to be fulfilled. God created us to be people of service. God made us to be people of hope in this dysfunctional world.

When you are able to balance your own personal growth with doing service to others, you are at that moment closest to the Creator. We were taught, “Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me.” We are all taught the Golden Rule, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Who is our neighbor? Every person who touches us today is our neighbor. God speaks to us through each and every experience in life. We are a people of different cultures, neighborhoods, religions, and although we are all different, we are all equal. In AA we have a beautiful set of traditions that teach the secret of balance and service, especially the second tradition, “There is only one ultimate authority, a God as we understand God, and the rest of us are simply servants.” If we live in the spirit of service to others, others will be of service to us.

Isn’t it wonderful how diverse we are as a people? We are like a huge mosaic in process of being formed. We are taught every day that all things in life are earned through struggle. Sometimes when you feel down, have faith and don’t be afraid of losing material things. They are not important. To be rich is to humble and opens us in the spirit of gratitude. To be rich is to be generous to others. We are servants, teachers, and pupils each days of our lives.

Remember the gentle words of the Tao written 2500 years ago by Lao-Tzu; do not live for yourself only, share your gifts with others which is the secret of durability. The wisher person serves the needs of others. Get out there and live life for we are God’s servants. Remember to serve is to be served. Let’s all stay connected to each other as part of God’s family. Let’s all respect and love each other. As a famous man said, “You are either a part of the solution or part of the problem.”

April showers bring May flowers just as struggle makes us stronger. Enjoy the beginning of spring in the spirit of service and growth. Resurrection means to come alive again. Let’s leave the darkness and walk into the light.

May God bless us in all that we do!

In the next part of the “Doing Grief Well” series, Pat Obst, LCSW, MSW and Loretta Depka, Executive Director continued their discussions on the complex process of grieving. This particular topic is Pat’s ” ‘Tool Kit’ Series; Part 1.” 

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

Pat is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief, Pat Obst has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/

By Vince DiPasquale

As we enter the month of March, let’s take time to dedicate this month to the spirit of positive thinking. We spend too much time looking at what’s wrong. This month is a time of transition from the cold of winter to the beauty of spring. Let’s all of us examine our attitudes towards life. Take time to ask yourself some questions.

Do you have a positive attitude towards life?

How do you feel about yourself? Do you know who you are?

How do you deal with situations that face you? Do you face them with an open, positive mind?

Let’s examine the first question. Remember you are your attitude, and all negative attitudes can be changed. What is your attitude towards your body? Do you treat it with respect? Do you make time to listen to your body? If you treat it with respect, it will respect you. What is your attitude toward eating healthy foods? Our bodies will respond positively if we treat them in a healthy way. We have been given the gift of life. Each day when you wake up look in the mirror and thank God for the gift of life for another day. Remember everything else can be dealt with.

Let’s look at the second question. Who are you? Do you make time each day to get to know yourself? Are you comfortable being you? It’s really fun to just enjoy each day discovering your potential and gifts. Each day you are alive you learn a little more about yourself. Are you able to laugh at yourself? If you don’t think you are funny, run to the bathroom when you get up in the morning and look in the mirror. If you don’t laugh you are too rigid. Loosen up, relax, and celebrate yourself.

Let’s look at the third question. Do you have an open mind and are you able to handle change? When situations face us do you look at them as a way to learn the positive from every negative? Believe me, if you are always griping and complaining, it’s going to affect you mentally and physically. We don’t realize how negative messages have an effect on our bodies. Please don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is too short. Look at life with a positive attitude. Let’s all try to face life and change with positive attitudes.

There are so many situations in life that we can face openly. We should learn to take time to respond to life rather than reacting to situations. We get into a lot of trouble and put our foots in our mouths because we don’t take time to listen and look at things before we respond to them. Please don’t respond to rumors. Get the facts then make a decision. Remember take time to ponder, investigate, and get answers before making statements. Life is precious. Be gentle, relax, and enjoy each moment.

The power of positive thinking. What a gift! Use it wisely each day. Let’s all learn that it is the secret to a happy, healthy life. We are different and yet the same. Each of us is part of each other. We are like a mosaic. Each person we meet comes into our lives for a reason. They are our teachers. Please stop, look and listen to them. You will grow from each experience.

Remember the Higher Power has a plan for each of us. Keep an open mind and you will grow. Remember too, when the pupil is ready, the teacher will come. They are the people we meet each day.

By Vince DiPasquale

The month of February is called the love month. We celebrate Valentine’s Day and experience the last month of winter. Let’s spend some time exploring the word “love”. Like everything else in our society we have taken the deeply spiritual nature of the word and commercialized it so that it exploits people. Unfortunately, the word “love” has been mixed up with the word “lust”. Our soap operas and our society have forgotten how special the word is. Love is a powerful, positive energy that we were all given at the moment of our birth. We look at newborns as little angels, pure in spirit, just beginning their spiritual journey through life. As they grow older they are faced with all types of dysfunctional situations which test their energy levels to possible breaking points. Following these episodes, we sometimes lose our connections to our love energy for a period of time. Depression, loneliness, sadness, and trauma are situations we all go through. Occasionally we need a transfusion of love from others. The energy of love needs to be awakened once again by the love of others. In our life’s journey we meet all kinds of teachers or mentors. Every person we meet on our journey is our teacher, even those who are negative. They come into our lives to teach us how to deal with negativity.

I know from experience that no matter how tough life can be, angels are sent into our lives to touch us and slowly activate the energy of love inside of us. Relationships are the ways in which we share the energy of love. We can’t be lovers alone. We need each other. Over the course of our lifetime, we experience many different relationships, people, jobs, family members, and experiences. Thank God for all of them. Each relationship touched our energy of love in one way or another. At times our love was tested but it never fails. See, you can’t destroy love. Love is patient, kind, does not put on airs, and love sees the good in all. Love is a bond that heals and builds us to become better and stronger people.

We are all on a journey of love. The greatest gift that we can give to another is our gift of love. Don’t be afraid to share it. Love must be shared so that it can grow. It’s a power so great that is can heal all wounds. It’s the energy that is the foundation of life. Real love is an energy that covers all areas of life.

The greatest compliment we can be given is to be called a lover. A real lover is someone who is at peace with themselves. They are living in serenity. A real lover has an open mind, is willing to learn and grow, and is always on the journey to celebrate in faith where the journey of life will take them. A real lover is someone who loves unconditionally. A lover is someone who reaches out to do service to others. A real lover is someone who treats themselves and others with respect. A real lover is someone whose energy speaks in a positive way to others. A real lover is someone who enjoys life.

As we grow in the spirit of love, we will learn the secret of life. Love is a gift that was given to us by God. We have an obligation to learn how to love ourselves so that we can share the gift with others. As you share and are touched by the love of others your love will grow. Real lovers celebrate life, enjoy the moment, and look at life in a similar way. As you grow in love your life will become much simpler, calmer, and your expectations will diminish. When you celebrate St. Valentine’s Day remember it is named after St. Valentine who is the Patron of Love. He gave his life for his beliefs in the ultimate sign of love. Remember as you celebrate the month of love, live by the principle, “Love is a gift to be shared”. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

A happy and blessed Valentine’s Day to each of you!

By: Vince DiPasquale

Happy and blessed New Year? It’s hard to believe that it’s already here. Let’s take some time to reflect in a spirit of gratitude, humility, and learning, on yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Yesterday is over. Much has happened, both positive and negative. Take time to inventory the past year. Try to look upon all experiences and somehow try to see the positive in all that has happened. We are all a year older and hopefully a little wiser. Ask yourself some questions. Have you taken the time to nurture and take care of yourself? What is your vision of life? Are you able to see the good in all experiences? Have you spent time learning the value of acceptance? Are you able to accept the reality of yourself with all your quirks? If we can learn to accept ourselves and take responsibility for our life then we will be able to accept and love others. Remember each one of us in a unique and special gift created by God. Since we are all different, we can learn from each person we meet. Are you able to look upon others as your teachers? I’m convinced that there are no accidents. Whatever happened, even our hurts and losses, was God hoping to teach us about life. Take time to look at the past, face it, embrace it, and learn and grow from it. Hopefully each one of us will do this.

When we look back, we should give ourselves credit for how much we have come through already. We are blessed with the power to look back on life’s experiences as gifts to help us grow. Remember your history is your teacher, face it, embrace it, and allow it to be our teacher. Whatever our experiences, they didn’t happen by accident. Each one gave us the chance to learn a new life lesson. God, help us to look at our history in a spirit of gratitude.

Well, the future is in front of us. The unknown. Don’t be afraid. Face each day with love and gratitude. Face the future with hope. Each day start with a prayer to the God of your understanding and just ask for God’s will for us and power to follow His will. We don’t know about the future and that’s good. Being open to the unknown makes life a special adventure. Each day brings a new experience. Try to face the day with a positive attitude. Don’t worry, even our struggles will in time strengthen us. All our days are numbered. We don’t know how long our journey will be. If we learn the beautiful philosophy of living “one day at a time”, our life will be guided in a positive way. I’ve learned a simple principle of life: when you wake up in the morning, check the obituary column. If your name is not in it, you are having the best day of your life. Everything else is minor. It’s a great philosophy and teaches us that this is our only day. Do your work, play, and enjoy each person you meet. Listed below are greatest resolutions for the New Year. “One day at a Time”, “Easy Does It”, “Live and Let Live”, “There but for the Grace of God, go I”, “Let Go and Let God”.

Remember to include in your resolutions the gift of doing service to others. Also remember that in giving, you receive. Share our gifts and enjoy your life as we celebrate another year of life.

My prayer each day is one of gratitude for what was, what will be, and the gift of today.

A blessed and joyful New Year to you and your family!

This new group (“Pat’s Place”) will now be held every Wednesday at 6:30 PM.

This is a men’s group\community focused upon personal growth.

All meetings are held on-site at The Starting Point.

In the next part of the “Doing Grief Well” series, Pat Obst, LCSW, MSW and Loretta Depka, Executive Director continued their discussions on the complex process of grieving. This particular topic is “Loss Due to Life-Altering Illness or Injury.” 

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

Pat is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief, Pat Obst has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/

Pat Obst joined The Starting Point’s Executive Director for another episode of DOING GRIEF WELL. Pat and Loretta discussed “Unrecognized Losses We’ve Experienced Throughout Our Lives.”

They spoke about how loss comes in many forms and how it can throw one’s life into emotional chaos and confusion. Pat addressed how we can heal and recognize these types of losses moving forward.

You can find The Starting Point’s YouTube channel here.

Pat is a therapist who specializes in loss and grief, Pat Obst has walked the grief journey with many clients and has experienced losses personally. This led her to create the Afterwards Journey, to help clients grieve, heal, and recreate their lives after loss. More information can be found on her practitioner profile at https://startingpoint.org/practitioner/pat-obst/