by Vince DiPasquale
October is a special month of transition. The leaves turn and the weather gets cooler. It’s time to watch Mother Nature show off her true colors. This should be a lesson for all of us. We are being taught one of the great lessons of life ~ personal boundaries. Each one of us is the architect of our life. It’s extremely easy to play the blame game and blame others for our problems. Remember no one can affect your life the way you can. Let us take time this month to examine our personal boundaries. Let us look at them from four different perspectives: physical, emotional, spiritual, and social.
1. Physical– Your body is a sacred temple. We must learn to respect and honor our bodies. Some personal boundaries, i.e., exercise, food, sleep, play, and work, are all necessary. The secret to a healthy body is balance. Do not go to extremes, however. Listen to your body and treat it with respect and honor. If you do this, you will expect others to respect and honor you and you will treat others the same way. Allow people to be who they are. Do not get caught up in expectations. One of the great physical boundaries was given to us by Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry when he said, “A man must know his limitations.” Remember, each one of us must learn to set healthy boundaries for our physical well-being. Do not allow anyone to cross your boundaries. They are sacred!
2. Emotional- We are all people who have feelings. Our feelings are neither right nor wrong. They are just feelings. Do not be afraid of your emotions. We all face anger, fear, guilt, joy, etc. We feel. The secret is to not bury them. Feelings need to be expressed. We all must learn to express them in a healthy way. Do you have outlets for your feelings? Do you have a support system? Do you express your feelings to people who will listen? Remember, when we express our emotions to inappropriate people, they may hurt us with the information. Respect your emotions and listen to them. It is so great to have feelings and they are healthy. Do not hide them. If you bury your feelings, they will turn into a depression and haunt you. It took me forty years to finally feel my feelings. It is wonderful to be not only able to feel them but to be able to express them to healthy, understanding people.
3. Spiritual- Our spirit is our most special gift. The secret to life is to slowly awaken our spirit. It is what makes us who we are. The word spirit is derived from Latin and Greek meaning to awaken who we are. The purpose of life is to discover and grow each day on a personal journey. Each one of us is unique and our beliefs are different. Set boundaries so you will not allow anyone to decide who you are. Listen to others but
1 make you believe what they believe, it means they do not believe it. If you honestly believe something, you show it by example. It is not what you say, it is how you live life that counts. When you learn to set spiritual boundaries, your life will be an example of peace, serenity, and openness. Our boundaries also help us to continue growing and learning. Life is the ultimate spiritual journey, and we are never done. Be at peace with yourself and you will do likewise with others. Spiritual boundaries will be the way to allow you to love, like, respect, and care for yourself and others.
2 Social- We are by nature social creatures. All our growth takes place in our interactions with others. The key to social boundaries is displaying respect for us and others. It is so important to know where people are in your life. Once again, do not expect people to be where you want them to be. The secret to healthy social boundaries is acceptance of others where they are and not where we think they should be. This is the gift of unconditional love. We need to open ourselves to people and places where we feel safe and comfortable and learn to detach our love from negative persons, places, and things. Again, the principle comes into play: take what you can use and leave the rest. “Pray for them, wish them well, and let them go.” Boundaries! Look at each situation in life as a chance to learn about yourself. Each person you meet is your teacher. No one comes into your life by accident. As we journey through life we experience different family systems, each one with dysfunctional parts, each one a teacher. We learn social boundaries from all family systems. We need to look at all our experiences with others to discover who we are. Remember good healthy boundaries are centered around respect and acceptance. These are the keys that open the doors to healthy growth. Do not be afraid.
Boundaries are the secret to our personal growth and fall is a wonderful time of the year to introduce a healthy chain into our lives. It is the month of transition and growth. Set healthy boundaries with respect and acceptance and your life will be one of peace and serenity. It is a special time of the year. Enjoy it!
