As I prepared to write this piece about grief and loss, I started down a rabbit hole and caught myself before it went too deep. I wanted to cleverly express my fondness for the famous quote about death and taxes and envisioned one of my kids saying, “Really, Dad?” Therefore, I will simply state that grief and loss are universal experiences. At some point in life, everyone will confront the pain of loss—whether it be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a significant life transition, or even the loss of a dream or identity. Despite being a natural part of life, grief remains a deeply personal and often misunderstood process. Because it is so intimately tied to the human emotional experience, grief can evoke a wide range of responses, including sadness, anger, confusion, numbness, guilt, and even physical symptoms. The most common question among those who are experiencing grief and loss concerns what is or is not “normal.” In reality, there is no “normal,” but there are many myths, such as:
- Myth: If you’re not crying, you’re not grieving. (Reality: Grief can manifest as numbness, silence, or physical symptoms—not just tears.)
- Myth: Only death causes grief. (Reality: The loss of relationships, identity, health, or dreams can also trigger grief.)
- Myth: Moving on means forgetting the person. (Reality: You can honor a loved one’s memory while still living meaningfully.)
- Myth: I should be over it by now. (Reality: There is no universal timeline. People grieve in different ways and for varying lengths of time.)
- Myth: Everyone grieves the same way. (Reality: Grief is highly individualized and shaped by personality and culture.)
The truth about how we grieve and acknowledge loss is that it exists. There is no right or wrong way, but many different journeys. It does not necessarily matter if you cried or not. Missing your conversations with the nurse or home health aide caring for your mom is not strange. It is okay to laugh when you think of your relative who died. It is not unusual to miss some things about the guy who cheated (definitely not uncommon that you secretly plot his demise—joke). Whether or not you celebrate Día de los Muertos, sit Shiva, attend homegoings, or recite Qur’anic prayers does not matter. The most essential aspect of our experiences with grief and loss is that we all need ways to express emotions, engage in self-care, acknowledge and/or create rituals, and seek support. You are not alone.
