Monthly Archives: February 2017

Learn How To Deal “Queen Bees” & Mean Girls”*




By:  Vince DiPasquale


The month of February is called the love month. We celebrate Valentine’s Day and experience the last month of winter. Let’s spend some time exploring the word “love”. Like everything else in our society we have taken the deeply spiritual nature of the word and commercialized it so that it exploits people. Unfortunately, the word “love” has been mixed up with the word “lust”. Our soap operas and our society have forgotten how special this word is. Love is a powerful, positive energy that we were all given at the moment of our birth. We look at newborns as little angels, pure in spirit, just beginning their spiritual journey through life.  As they grow older they are faced with all types of dysfunctional situations which test their energy levels to possible breaking points. Following these episodes, we sometimes lose our connection to our love energy for a period of time. Depression, loneliness, sadness, and trauma are situations we all go through. Occasionally we need a transfusion of love from others. The energy of love needs to be awakened once again by the love of others. In our life’s journey we meet all kinds of teachers or mentors. Every person we meet on our journey is our teacher, even those who are negative.  They come into our lives to teach us how to deal with negativity.

I know from experience that no matter how tough life can be, angels are sent into our lives to touch us and slowly activate the energy of love inside of us. Relationships are the ways in which we share the energy of love. We can’t be lovers alone. We need each other. Over the course of our lifetimes we experience many different relationships, people, jobs, family members, and experiences. Thank God for all of them. Each relationship touched our energy of love in one way or another.  At times our love was tested but it will never fail.  See, you can’t destroy love.  Love is patient, kind, does not put on airs, and love sees the good in all.  Love is the bond that heals, and builds us to become better and stronger people.

We are all on the journey of love. The greatest gift that we can give to another is our gift of love. Don’t be afraid to share it. Love must be shared so that it can grow. It’s a power so great that it can heal all wounds. It’s the energy that is the foundation of life.  Real love is an energy that covers all areas of life.

The greatest compliment we can be given is to be called a lover. A real lover is someone who is at peace with themselves. They are living in serenity. A real lover has an open mind, is willing to learn and grow, and is always on the journey to celebrate in faith where the journey of life will take them. A real lover is someone who loves unconditionally. A real lover is someone who reaches out to do service to others.  A real lover is someone who treats themselves and others with respect. A real lover is someone whose energy speaks in a positive way to others.  A real lover is someone who enjoys life.

As we grow in the spirit of love we will learn the secret of life. Love is a gift that was given to us by God. We have an obligation to learn how to love ourselves so that we can share the gift with others. As you share and are touched by the love of others your love will grow. Real lovers celebrate life, enjoy the moment, and look at life in a similar way. As you grow in love your life will become much simpler, calmer, and your expectations will diminish. When you celebrate Valentine’s Day remember it is named after St. Valentine who is the Patron of Love. He gave his life for his beliefs in the ultimate sign of love. Remember as you celebrate the month of love, live by the principle, “Love is a gift to be shared”.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.  A happy and blessed Valentine’s Day to each of you!


Getting Stuck on the Cause of Death or the Final Images of Death

By Andi Meltzer, M.A., Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®
Have the events surrounding or leading up to a death left you feeling like a figurative knife is sticking out of your heart? Many people often focus on the cause, whether by suicide, cancer, murder, sudden heart attack, the result of not taking care of himself/ herself, etc., which is only part of the grief. The events at the end are important, but the key to recovery is to fully acknowledge the pain of the cause of death and then to shift to the unfinished business throughout the relationship.

That shift begins by reviewing the relationship from the very beginning in order to discover and complete whatever is left emotionally unfinished as a result of the end of the relationship and complicated by the cause of that end. The unresolved issues include the unmet hopes, dreams, and expectations for the future as well as the events of the past that you wish were better, different, or more.

Similarly, some people become stuck on a devastating, horrific image of the final moments of life. Some examples are someone’s illness transformed their loved one’s body to an unrecognizable state in the final weeks of life or a family member who walks into a room only to discover a murder or suicide scene. That final image doesn’t need to be a permanent condition that haunts you; rather, it can be one memory out of thousands of memories and images that you can recall. How?  Start with the first memories you have of that person. What did you notice about that person the first time you ever laid eyes on him or her? Be specific. Walk through a few events of the beginning of the relationship. You will then naturally move on to the many images and memories that span the totality of the relationship, however long that was. As a result, you will begin to remember your loved one the way you knew him or her in life not only in death. In addition, the fond memories will not turn painful when you complete the unfinished business of the relationship.

Carefully consider the partner you choose for revealing your broken heart. Many well-meaning friends will listen to you loop your story and don’t know how to help you, so they end up suggesting that you try not to think about it. It’s often helpful to ask your friend to be a soundboard as you share your feelings and stories without criticism, judgement, or analysis. Let your friend know he or she doesn’t need to say or do anything to make you feel better. Explain that he or she has the remarkable power to support you listening like a heart with ears and giving you an opportunity to express your pain without questioning anything you say so that you can release that pain and move on with a more complete picture of the relationship.

Andi Meltzer, M.A., Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®
This program is endorsed by and affiliated with The Grief Recovery Institute®
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